Much press has been given to the challenges of parenting teenagers.  Parenting teenagers requires balancing a child’s growing independence with the adult’s responsibility to set limits.  Through the teenage years, parents must learn to let go of control yet still provide guidance and support as teenagers learn self discipline, responsibility, and the basic skills they need to survive as an adult. 

Teenagers need to be given the freedom to make choices and to experience both the positive and negative consequences of those choices.  Parents are often tempted to rush in and rescue their children from the pain experienced from negative consequences.  However, it is often through experiencing the consequences of actions that learning occurs. 

For example, if a child forgets to take a signed permission slip to school, even though the parent signed the form and gave it back to the teenager, rushing to school to bring the permission slip teaches the teenager that someone will bail him out when he doesn’t act responsibly.  A consequence of irresponsibility may be missing the field trip which will result in loss of enjoyment.  Next time the teenager will be more likely to make sure all the paperwork is ready when he wants to participate in an event.

The consequences for poor choices certainly can be more devastating when teenagers choose to participate in risky behaviors such as smoking, using alcohol or drugs, or engaging in sexual activity.  One factor that contributes to teenagers practicing unsafe behaviors is insufficient monitoring by parents.  It is important to stay involved in your teenager’s life by being interested, listening, and building a positive relationship.

When deciding how much freedom to give to a teenager, parents should consider their teenager’s abilities and past performance.  As teenagers demonstrate responsible behavior, self discipline and positive decision making, they can earn increasing amounts of freedom.  Staying involved in your teenager’s life takes time, effort, and energy, but the results are worth the work.